10. The Narcoleptic
I understand you didn’t have your morning coffee yet, but driving into my lane on the highway is less than desirable. Stop falling asleep and get your shit together.
9. The Selfish Merger
From my understanding, when two lanes merge into one and there is excessive traffic, there is a rule: one car from each side gets a turn. Left car, Right car, left car, etc… It’s only fair. Selfish Merger goes when he feels like going. He’s a non-conformist. He makes his own damn rules. He’s going directly after the car from his own lane in front of him. What a dick.
8. The Cell Phone Junkie
I just have a question: who the fuck are you calling at 7am?
7. The Excessive Honker
We are in bumper-to-bumper traffic…. where do you think you are going? It’s early, dude. My ears are not equipped for that yet. At least give me a warning. Also, who are you honking at?
6. The Makeup Applier
Applying mascara behind the wheel has to fall under the “reckless driving” category.
5. The “See A Cop and Panic” Guy
This has nothing to do with speed traps. I slow down if I see a cop hiding out where he does… every day. I’m talking about the cop that already has someone pulled over. The cop is already out of the car. He’s speaking to the driver in the front seat. WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?! Do you honestly believe Mr. Policeman is going to get back in his car and pull you over instead? Just drive, please.
4. The Eventual Left Turner
Your blinker has been on for the past 10 minutes. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Also, you’re pretty damn old so I’m going to make sure there’s no Silver Alert out for you.
3. The Tortoise
I’m in the fast lane because I’m running late and don’t care if I get pulled over because at least I’d have an excuse. You’re in the fast lane because… well… I don’t know considering you are barely going the speed limit. I can’t stand you. You bet I’m the girl behind you passively yelling through my windshield and giving you the “get over” wave (excessively).
2. The Lane Weaver
No explanation required; you blow.
1. Johnny Stereo
I’m the kind of girl who turns down the music at a red light because I’m embarrassed someone will judge my musical stylings (or my aspiring Whitney notes). This guy doesn’t give a fuck. He sits in traffic with his music on full blast, bass pumping, and an angry constipated look on his face. I don’t want to hear Korn at 7 in the morning. Actually, I don’t want to hear Korn ever.
I hope you all get fired from your jobs.