I am no supermodel, so I have learned to judge way past looks when it comes to men. Although the perfect man may never exist (or he may just be gay), I still have my non-negotiables when it comes to choosing the right specimen. Well, I guess that’s a lie, seeing as everything is pretty negotiable with me… but I still have created the perfect man in this little brain of mine.
The perfect man must have all the obvious qualities: humor, charm, kindness, love, and all the blahblahs that accompany them. The perfect man must also be able to throw a mean barbecue and grill a damn good Hebrew National hot dog. I like ’em kosher. The perfect man can tell by the tone of my voice when I am not okay, even if I tell him I am peachy fucking keen.
The perfect man will know that chivalry is not dead; this means he must bring the damn shopping cart back to the shopping cart specified area as to not ding my car (this one really makes me happy). The perfect man thinks I am beautiful without makeup, but respects the fact that I wear it because it makes me a more confident woman. The perfect man will not, however, tell me I look like a prostitute with all the makeup I am wearing.
The perfect man will not like the Phillies. If he does, he will respect the fact that I will never join the dark side. The perfect man will also never raise my child as a Phillies Phan; for if he does, he will never be forgiven.
The perfect man will let me be in control of the television remote at lease once during Football Sunday. The perfect man wouldn’t question my intentions, because he would know I would never do anything to distract him from his winning fantasy league.
The perfect man will love me for who I am, and not judge me for the fact that I am sometimes stubborn and defensive when under stress. The perfect man will allow me my space when I feel big and strong, yet hold me when I feel small.
The perfect man may not actually be perfect at all. My perfect man will have flaws; flaws that he wants fixed with my help. My perfect man will want to be a better person, if only to make me a happier woman.
My perfect man will love me unconditionally, and he won’t even question why.